Tuesday, March 9, 2010

God's will for me

I sit here and I cannot think.  I cannot concentrate.  I cannot do anything.  I am paralyzed with sorrow. 

I am at work and people have walked by and asked why I was crying and I don't know how to explain the sadness and sorrow I have for a little girl I never even held.  Never even knew outside the walls of the internet.  Yet, it has touched me so deep.  The same thing happened to me when Maddie passed.  I cannot be the only one out there that has such feelings for someone they never actually met.

I just look at her sweet photo's and cannot understand.  Everytime I see her chubby cheeks, I think of my Caroline's chubby cheeks and how much it would destroy me something happened to any of my children.

I want to jump on an airplane, right now, and go to Layla's house and wrap my arms around her mother because as a mother, I don't know how she will get through this, yet I know she will.  But there is such a deep yearn inside me to comfort these people.  To sit with them and let them cry on my shoulder.  I feel so useless sitting here.

I truly believe that I came across Layla for a reason.  I do believe that I am working through God's will and that he has a plan for me.  I am now so determined to help get the awareness and education out there about cord blood donation.  I know that it can't save everyone, but it could save someone.  I will not let Layla's death be in vain.  There was a reason she was born.  There was a reason God picked her and she brought more awareness to this awful cancer that anyone could have imagined. 

God Bless you sweet Layla Grace.  You will forever be in my thoughts.

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