Monday, September 14, 2009

Life's not fair

When I was a little girl, I would say to my mom, after she had disciplined me or said no to one of my many 'must-haves'...."But Mom, that's not fair"! And she would always return with the same response, "Life isn't fair". I remember looking at her with this look of disdain and disappointment because that was always the reason. And of course, at 13 that reason sucks.

Now more than ever, I truly understand that statement.

For most of my life I have lived in a bubble. I have never had to deal with trauma; never had to experience someone close to me dying; never been the victim of child abuse, etc. I have lived a very sheltered life. And now, as an adult I realize that terrible things happen to so many innocent people out there and it breaks my heart. I feel so damned helpless because not one thing I will do, will ever change the terrible thing that has happened to these people.

I read Heather's blog everyday, and everyday I think...this really couldn't have happened. Maddie really can't be gone. And then reality hits me that she is.

Her blog has made reality slap me in the face. And I don't say that with a negative connotation. I am so thankful that I found her blog and for the feelings that are invoked in me. I now take the time to really look at my children and immerse myself in them in a way that I hadn't before.

For a brief second, I will look at one of my children and think "what-if"? The thought is so horrific that I immediately have to stop. And then of course I think about Heather. She has to live this reality everyday. In my eyes, she is the strongest person I know. I don't know how parents cope after this, but she does and she is amazing.

I would do anything to bring back her daughter. But here I am, helpless because nothing will change what has happened.

So, as always, Mom is right. Life is not fair.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

This blogging business is hard!!

Hats off to all who do this regularly! It is a lot harder than it looks!

I thought it would be fun to start a 'little blog' and jot down thoughts and the funny things that happen in my household. Ha...was I so wrong. It is very time consuming to create a post. I am such a perfectionist and am constantly going back in to all my posts and tweaking it here and there! No wonder I can never get more than one or two done a week.

Seriously, all you pros out there you make it all look so easy!

You all inspired me to start this blog and for that I am thankful. My memory is so bad and I will be soo happy when I can look back on this blog and read all the things that I have forgotten ;)

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Giving the Bird

Everytime Grace points at something she uses her middle finger. I have no idea why, but trust me I have tried to correct her a thousand times and she always reverts back to the middle finger. And when she does point with her middle finger, she uses it 'stiletto style'. The girl cracks me up!

This is so indicitive of her personality! She is going to be someone who is not going to take a lot of crap from anyone.

At times, ok most times, she is hard to parent. But a part of me loves her independence and stubborness. I know that it will play an important part of her a good way :) She will never be taken advantage of, that is for sure.

For instance, if I tell her not to do something, she will try to negotiate and make me understand why she must be doing what I have asked her not to do. I am constantly debating with a 3 year old!

Below are some pics I took of Grace showing me the shapes she made with her playdough. Yikes! I hope this doesn't get her kicked out of Kindergarten!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Well it's official.....I'm old

At 39 I have found my first gray hair!! I guess I should consider myself lucky for making it this long without having to dye my hair....but it really makes the big 40 a reality!

And for some unknown reason, I refuse to pull it out. I kind of like that it is hidden and tucked away most of the time. Like my little secret ;)

I have attached a photo of it and as you can see it is a wild hair! It sticks right up and is goes every which direction!

Oh well. Cest le vie!