Monday, September 14, 2009

Life's not fair

When I was a little girl, I would say to my mom, after she had disciplined me or said no to one of my many 'must-haves'...."But Mom, that's not fair"! And she would always return with the same response, "Life isn't fair". I remember looking at her with this look of disdain and disappointment because that was always the reason. And of course, at 13 that reason sucks.

Now more than ever, I truly understand that statement.

For most of my life I have lived in a bubble. I have never had to deal with trauma; never had to experience someone close to me dying; never been the victim of child abuse, etc. I have lived a very sheltered life. And now, as an adult I realize that terrible things happen to so many innocent people out there and it breaks my heart. I feel so damned helpless because not one thing I will do, will ever change the terrible thing that has happened to these people.

I read Heather's blog everyday, and everyday I think...this really couldn't have happened. Maddie really can't be gone. And then reality hits me that she is.

Her blog has made reality slap me in the face. And I don't say that with a negative connotation. I am so thankful that I found her blog and for the feelings that are invoked in me. I now take the time to really look at my children and immerse myself in them in a way that I hadn't before.

For a brief second, I will look at one of my children and think "what-if"? The thought is so horrific that I immediately have to stop. And then of course I think about Heather. She has to live this reality everyday. In my eyes, she is the strongest person I know. I don't know how parents cope after this, but she does and she is amazing.

I would do anything to bring back her daughter. But here I am, helpless because nothing will change what has happened.

So, as always, Mom is right. Life is not fair.


Nellie said...

Wow, what an amazing, heartfelt and beautiful blog you posted! I too am one of those women who has lived in a bubble and within a very sheltered, secure family. As an adult and working mom, I see and hear so many things that just simply break my heart and open my eyes to the sad reality of life - Heather's story being at the top of my list.

Anonymous said...

You have some incredible writing out here that rings home for me as well. Great job. Keep up the wonderful sharing of stories and life. love you friend.