Tuesday, January 26, 2010

A Mother's Guilt

Does it ever go away?
Caroline's cold has turned pretty nasty and required someone to stay home with her yesterday. So after my husband & I compared calendars, it was mine that afforded the flexibility to stay home.

So it was she & I all day yesterday. She was feeling pretty crummy. Runny nose, bad cough, and overall yuck. But she wasn't in bad spirits. She never really is. She is a pretty happy baby.

She was my little shadow yesterday. Everywhere that I went, she was sure to follow ;) If I sat down at the table to work on the computer, she sat in the chair next to me. If I sat down on the couch to ice my knee, she sat down next to me. If I went to the kitchen, she was right behind me. Literally everywhere I went, she went too. And I loved it!

I had to get on a call for a staff meeting and she had just woken up from a short nap and was not ready to be up yet, so I curled her up on my lap and I took the call with my sweet baby snuggled on me. Can't think of a better way to take a call ;)

My husband took her to the Dr.'s last night so that I could go to my physical therapy appointment and she got a clean bill of health. Meaning that she just has a bad cold. No ear infections, no lung infections, all is good. Which meant, she was clear to go back to the daycare today.

That is where the guilt comes in. As we were getting them in the car and in her carseat...she was crying and so sad. She just kept putting her arms out to me, crying "mama". :( She wanted her car seat belts off and wanted me to pick her up. She clearly did not want to be separated from me and I either from her. So what does a good mother do, I cried too. Her little tears streaming down her chubby cheeks got me. How I wish I could stay home everyday with her. She is a doll and I am soo in love with her.

I guess the mother's guilt never gets better or easier.


Jenny said...

I've so been there. I know both working and nonworking moms have this going on. But I really think when you HAVE to work outside the home, there is a gut wrenching guilt that is always there. And especially when they are sick.

J-You are doing great and doing your best, but there is never a time when you have to turn their outstretched arms away that can feel anything but terrible. hugs!

James said...

You are a fantastic mother. What kid wouldn't want to stay home with you day after day. Heck, I want to stay home with you ;)

Love you