Well, here we are....2015. When I rang in 2014, I thought it was going to be a great year, and it was! Many, many good things came in 2014. Many new friends, many new adventures, many new "firsts".
But as I rang in 2015, I was filled with worry, hurt, dread, etc. Unfortunately, I could see the horizon and there were many things that caused the worry and anxiety.
Today I learned that a dear friend of mine's husband had lost his battle with cancer. Cancer. It's always f*(#ing cancer. I am so damn tired of that word and all that follows it. My friend and her husband did not deserve this as part of their story. That did not deserve to have this pain in their heart. No one ever does, yet there it is, cancer.
As 2015 was coming to closer, I thought about resurrecting this blog, not for others to read, but for me to have a place to put feelings to "paper".
So, here it is...the resurrection of "My Crazy Sweet Life" and with it comes all that the title implies.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Autism Gone
I read an article today, that perfectly explained Jake's early diagnosis of Autism and to today, where his Autism is barely recognized. The article is posted in it's full content below.
This article is the perfect description of Jake and where he was and where he is now. Although, I don't really agree with the 'age out' reasoning. I believe his success is contributed to the 40+ hours a week of therapies he was submerged into starting at age 2. I owe so much to the therapist's that worked so hard with him and that were so patient with him. Those therapists were the ones that gave my son his words and helped enable him to say 'mom' for the first time at age 2!
My son has come a long way and I am so proud of who he was then, who he is today and who he will become in the future.
PLUS: What is Autism?
Jackson was 3 years old at the time, and by all accounts -- from mother's intuition to the experts' definition -- he was on the spectrum. The behavioral psychologists saw what we saw, but were hesistant to make an official diagnosis. His brain is still developing. So much can change in six months. So time passed. His clothes went from 4T to 5T. Birthday candles were lit, blown out, and saved in the kitchen drawer. By age 6, the appointments with the behavioral psychologists were over. The autism books came off my wife's nightstand. Our tears were redirected to other things like kindergarten graduations.
It's a mystery we still don't understand. Did he have autism and develop out of it? Did he ever have autism? Slowly but surely, experts are unraveling this developmental disorder, and last week a small but groundbreaking study may just prove that Jackson is not alone.
PLUS: Should I Label My Kid?
The study, funded by the National Institute of Health, researched 34 individuals ages 8 to 21 who had been diagnosed with autism early in life. The study found that they no longer had the symptoms. The conclusion: Some people may age out of autism. Of course, the autism community is buoyed by the findings, but are cautious to say this is a common outcome.
Let's add to this discussion a study that appeared in Pediatrics last year. It focused on 61 children aged 14 to 35 months who were on the spectrum. Two years after their initial diagnosis, 20 percent of those children no longer met the ASD criteria, which suggests that either the children are improving or were misdiagnosed from the start.
Meanwhile, the prevalence of autism has consistently been on the rise. In 1998, it was 1 in 1,000. In 2002, it was 1 in 150. Today, it's 1 in 88. Is it our increasing awareness that's inflating those figures? Is something mutating in our DNA? Does it lurk in our air or cleaning products or groundwater?
That's the thing with autism: There is no pathology. It's not in the blood. Biopsies don't detect it. It doesn't appear when you shine a penlight into the pupil. It makes perfect sense that this disorder is represented in awareness campaigns by a puzzle piece.
For our family, the autism spectrum was like the Alaskan winter. There was no light. The darkness went on and on and on. Then one day, a yolk-hued color broke across the horizon. And it stayed. But we haven't forgotten what the darkness was like.
This article is the perfect description of Jake and where he was and where he is now. Although, I don't really agree with the 'age out' reasoning. I believe his success is contributed to the 40+ hours a week of therapies he was submerged into starting at age 2. I owe so much to the therapist's that worked so hard with him and that were so patient with him. Those therapists were the ones that gave my son his words and helped enable him to say 'mom' for the first time at age 2!
My son has come a long way and I am so proud of who he was then, who he is today and who he will become in the future.
I'm trying to hold him, but he's squirming. The airport lounge is packed with people, and I can feel all eyes on me: the dad who cannot appease his toddler. Brandy sees me struggling, and comes up with a quick fix. She flips over the stroller. She places Jackson next to it. He begins to spin one of the wheels with his hand. He keeps spinning it. Over and over and over. He's completely absorbed. I look at Brandy quizzically. She shrugs.
PLUS: What is Autism?
Jackson was 3 years old at the time, and by all accounts -- from mother's intuition to the experts' definition -- he was on the spectrum. The behavioral psychologists saw what we saw, but were hesistant to make an official diagnosis. His brain is still developing. So much can change in six months. So time passed. His clothes went from 4T to 5T. Birthday candles were lit, blown out, and saved in the kitchen drawer. By age 6, the appointments with the behavioral psychologists were over. The autism books came off my wife's nightstand. Our tears were redirected to other things like kindergarten graduations.
It's a mystery we still don't understand. Did he have autism and develop out of it? Did he ever have autism? Slowly but surely, experts are unraveling this developmental disorder, and last week a small but groundbreaking study may just prove that Jackson is not alone.
PLUS: Should I Label My Kid?
The study, funded by the National Institute of Health, researched 34 individuals ages 8 to 21 who had been diagnosed with autism early in life. The study found that they no longer had the symptoms. The conclusion: Some people may age out of autism. Of course, the autism community is buoyed by the findings, but are cautious to say this is a common outcome.
Let's add to this discussion a study that appeared in Pediatrics last year. It focused on 61 children aged 14 to 35 months who were on the spectrum. Two years after their initial diagnosis, 20 percent of those children no longer met the ASD criteria, which suggests that either the children are improving or were misdiagnosed from the start.
Meanwhile, the prevalence of autism has consistently been on the rise. In 1998, it was 1 in 1,000. In 2002, it was 1 in 150. Today, it's 1 in 88. Is it our increasing awareness that's inflating those figures? Is something mutating in our DNA? Does it lurk in our air or cleaning products or groundwater?
That's the thing with autism: There is no pathology. It's not in the blood. Biopsies don't detect it. It doesn't appear when you shine a penlight into the pupil. It makes perfect sense that this disorder is represented in awareness campaigns by a puzzle piece.
For our family, the autism spectrum was like the Alaskan winter. There was no light. The darkness went on and on and on. Then one day, a yolk-hued color broke across the horizon. And it stayed. But we haven't forgotten what the darkness was like.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Monday Musings
So, I thought I would start Monday's off with a little reflection of the weekend and some of the funny things my kids say.
Jacob: On our way to a hiking event on Saturday with the Tiger Scouts, I was telling him something about his sister, Grace, and I said "On the other hand...blah, blah". And he said, "Right, like on her other foot...blah, blah"! The kid is so literal! Cracks me up!!
Caroline: I was in the shower getting ready for work this morning when she came in and says, "Mom, I had a nightmere (not misspelled, it's how she pronounces it ;)), and I HAVE to take a bath!". I initially said no because we were running late but she was so insistent that whenever someone has a nightmare they MUST take a bath. ???? How could I refuse?? However, I have absolutely no idea where she came up with this!!
Have a great rest of the week, peeps :)
Jacob: On our way to a hiking event on Saturday with the Tiger Scouts, I was telling him something about his sister, Grace, and I said "On the other hand...blah, blah". And he said, "Right, like on her other foot...blah, blah"! The kid is so literal! Cracks me up!!
Caroline: I was in the shower getting ready for work this morning when she came in and says, "Mom, I had a nightmere (not misspelled, it's how she pronounces it ;)), and I HAVE to take a bath!". I initially said no because we were running late but she was so insistent that whenever someone has a nightmare they MUST take a bath. ???? How could I refuse?? However, I have absolutely no idea where she came up with this!!
Have a great rest of the week, peeps :)
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Utopia
We have found it!! No, really!!
For those of you who don't know, we moved from the West coast to the East coast!
We put this plan in motion over 4.5 years ago and it in March we made it happen! It's truly amazing how all the stars aligned and got us to our dream locale!
Here's how it started:
Back in 2007, I had just started at my company and the twins were 10 months old. I had been at said company for about 7months when I started talking to James about the fact that my company had another location (amongst others) in Raleigh, NC and what did he think about us possibly moving there. He was up for it! Right off the bat! So, we decided to fly there in October 2007 for a quick trip there to see if it was even a place we could see living.
So, we went! And, of course fell in love with it immediately! We fell in love with the people, with the climate, with the housing prices (:)), with everything! We toured some housing developments in Raleigh, Cary, Apex & Holly Springs. There were things we liked about each city, but the minute we set foot in Holly Springs, it was a no-brainer! We walked up and down the sidewalks in the division we liked and saw kids upon kids playing outside riding their bikes with the other kids in the neighborhoods. We saw neighbors conversing with each other and hanging out on their front porches together! We walked away from that sub-division and couldn't believe what we had just seen. It was everything we wanted for our children. We wanted to raise them in a community that put family first and this was it! I knew that this was my Utopia!
So, we came home and put the plan in motion to sell our house and move as soon as we could. I was told that I had a job in NC and the only piece missing was James getting a job.
Then...
After a month or so of not feeling well, I realized I was pregnant! Apparently, North Carolina really does agree with me, because we conceived Caroline while we were out scoping the place out. Hence her name, Caroline after North Carolina :)
So, that put the plan on hold for awhile. Once we were able to catch our breath, we put the plan back in motion and in September of last year, I approached my work again not only did I get a new job out there, I got my DREAM job! In addition to supporting a great VP here, I am also in charge of all the Community Outreach for our RTP office!
So, then I came back out in February to secure housing, which I did and got the house I wanted, but what really cemented that this was the right choice, was that while I was out here finding us a home, James was immediately contacted by a headhunter and an interview was set up with a company the headhunter believed was a great fit for James. he interviewed via Skype and before I even got back to CA he had a job offer! A great one and he took it! That was it!
I am amazed at how the puzzle pieces fell into place and everything happened the way it did. I was truly meant to live on the Southern East Coast! In fact, right now it is a balmy 85 and instead of being inside in the A/C, I prefer to be sitting on front porch enjoy this beautiful balmy weather!
Life is glorious for me out here. I haven't felt this at peace in a long time :) Life is really good right now!!
For those of you who don't know, we moved from the West coast to the East coast!
We put this plan in motion over 4.5 years ago and it in March we made it happen! It's truly amazing how all the stars aligned and got us to our dream locale!
Here's how it started:
Back in 2007, I had just started at my company and the twins were 10 months old. I had been at said company for about 7months when I started talking to James about the fact that my company had another location (amongst others) in Raleigh, NC and what did he think about us possibly moving there. He was up for it! Right off the bat! So, we decided to fly there in October 2007 for a quick trip there to see if it was even a place we could see living.
So, we went! And, of course fell in love with it immediately! We fell in love with the people, with the climate, with the housing prices (:)), with everything! We toured some housing developments in Raleigh, Cary, Apex & Holly Springs. There were things we liked about each city, but the minute we set foot in Holly Springs, it was a no-brainer! We walked up and down the sidewalks in the division we liked and saw kids upon kids playing outside riding their bikes with the other kids in the neighborhoods. We saw neighbors conversing with each other and hanging out on their front porches together! We walked away from that sub-division and couldn't believe what we had just seen. It was everything we wanted for our children. We wanted to raise them in a community that put family first and this was it! I knew that this was my Utopia!
So, we came home and put the plan in motion to sell our house and move as soon as we could. I was told that I had a job in NC and the only piece missing was James getting a job.
Then...
After a month or so of not feeling well, I realized I was pregnant! Apparently, North Carolina really does agree with me, because we conceived Caroline while we were out scoping the place out. Hence her name, Caroline after North Carolina :)
So, that put the plan on hold for awhile. Once we were able to catch our breath, we put the plan back in motion and in September of last year, I approached my work again not only did I get a new job out there, I got my DREAM job! In addition to supporting a great VP here, I am also in charge of all the Community Outreach for our RTP office!
So, then I came back out in February to secure housing, which I did and got the house I wanted, but what really cemented that this was the right choice, was that while I was out here finding us a home, James was immediately contacted by a headhunter and an interview was set up with a company the headhunter believed was a great fit for James. he interviewed via Skype and before I even got back to CA he had a job offer! A great one and he took it! That was it!
I am amazed at how the puzzle pieces fell into place and everything happened the way it did. I was truly meant to live on the Southern East Coast! In fact, right now it is a balmy 85 and instead of being inside in the A/C, I prefer to be sitting on front porch enjoy this beautiful balmy weather!
Life is glorious for me out here. I haven't felt this at peace in a long time :) Life is really good right now!!
Saturday, May 26, 2012
The Revelation
So, here I sit on my 42nd birthday and I have just had a BIG revelation.
Lately, I have been withdrawn, down and out. Very blue. I felt uninterested in work, in my family, in everything. I would go to work and it was work. Just that, work. I would come home do what I could to get by. I would make dinner, help with the homework, but was disconnected from everyone. The kids, my husband, everyone. Wasn't feeling it and didn't know why.
Then, today it hit me. I don't like who I am anymore.
The person that having kids has forced me to be.
The Nag.
I am a broken, tired record.
I am constantly repeating myself.....All. The. Time! Times 3!!!
One of the kids will ask if they can do something. When the answer is no, it instantly becomes a debate and an argument and then The Nag comes out. I really, really do not like her.
Before I became a Mom, I had a very different perception of who I was going to be and how I would parent my children. I really DID think that I could be their friend as well as their parent and if I could just explain to them the reason why they could not do something, that it would suffice and we all would magically smile and all would be right with the world.
Hmmpphhh...Not even close to my real life.
I am their parent and they are typical children who want to defy my every rule. It's what kids do.
So, what's the remedy? I wish I knew. I don't want to be this person anymore. I don't want to feel like I am the Heavy. I want to be the 'light' person that once existed within me. The person that wasn't bugged by very much. Who was laid back and easy going.
I am really going to try and change some things within and see if I can find a piece of the person I used to be. Right now, all I see when I look in the mirror is the shell of me.
Lately, I have been withdrawn, down and out. Very blue. I felt uninterested in work, in my family, in everything. I would go to work and it was work. Just that, work. I would come home do what I could to get by. I would make dinner, help with the homework, but was disconnected from everyone. The kids, my husband, everyone. Wasn't feeling it and didn't know why.
Then, today it hit me. I don't like who I am anymore.
The person that having kids has forced me to be.
The Nag.
I am a broken, tired record.
I am constantly repeating myself.....All. The. Time! Times 3!!!
One of the kids will ask if they can do something. When the answer is no, it instantly becomes a debate and an argument and then The Nag comes out. I really, really do not like her.
Before I became a Mom, I had a very different perception of who I was going to be and how I would parent my children. I really DID think that I could be their friend as well as their parent and if I could just explain to them the reason why they could not do something, that it would suffice and we all would magically smile and all would be right with the world.
Hmmpphhh...Not even close to my real life.
I am their parent and they are typical children who want to defy my every rule. It's what kids do.
So, what's the remedy? I wish I knew. I don't want to be this person anymore. I don't want to feel like I am the Heavy. I want to be the 'light' person that once existed within me. The person that wasn't bugged by very much. Who was laid back and easy going.
I am really going to try and change some things within and see if I can find a piece of the person I used to be. Right now, all I see when I look in the mirror is the shell of me.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Common Sense
I know that I will probably be creating a s!$t storm with this post, but it is what I feel and believe, so it shall be ;)
Today, January 20, 2012 a mother and a father have asked that today be a day that we all remember children that have been injured or died from a vaccination(s). Their daughter, Stacy, who was born premature, passed away at 8 weeks old after getting 9 vaccinations in one day! 9 people!! These are little tiny babies, with little tiny immune systems and they should NOT be given this many in one day! It is insane!
Don't get me wrong, I agree with some (not all) vaccines, but I adamantly do not believe that they should be given this many in one day.
Ask yourself this. Have you ever stopped to research what is in these vaccines? It is horrifying! Once you know what is in them you become very choosy on which ones your kids will get.
Here are few ingredients of a some of the vaccines:
Polio: Baby cow blood serum, glutamate (msg), formaldehyde, monkey kidney cells (yes, you read that right. FREAKING MONKEY KIDNEY CELLS!!!)
Rotavirus: Monkey kidney cells, and traces of fetal cow blood.
And no, I am not one of 'those people' that believe that thimersol has had anything to do with any kind of delay Jake has had. However, I do believe that had I let my Pediatrician give him the MMR when she recommended it, that I would have a vastly different child on my hand and NOT in a good way. I, whole-heartedly, believe in every fiber of my being that I did the right thing in delaying the MMR shot. I do believe that not all kids can handle all the vaccines the same. Each person's chemistry is different and each person's body reacts differently. Facts have proven that.
I do believe that some vaccines are not worth the risk. Take for instance the Hep B vaccine. This disease is most prevalent in Third World Countries where sanitation is poor and or through nonexistent sewer plants. The disease is also passed through IV drug needles. This vaccine is recommended at birth, for reasons I completely do not understand. I knew that when Caroline was born, she would not be getting that vaccine because a) she wasn't going to be exposed to an IV drug needles and b) she wouldn't be traveling abroad. I also don't believe in getting them vaccinated against the flu. And really, how do you really do that when they are about 10,000 different strains out there and when a vaccine is given it is typically given for one flu strand.
So, today please take a moment to think about all those babies that have been adversely affected by vaccines.
Here is to the link about baby Stacy: http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/preemie-dies-after-9-vax-in-one-day/
These are just a few examples and all ingredients can be found in each vaccine's product insert that you can request from your Pediatrician. The info that I am quoting is from the book "The Vaccine Book" by Dr. Robert Sears.
Today, January 20, 2012 a mother and a father have asked that today be a day that we all remember children that have been injured or died from a vaccination(s). Their daughter, Stacy, who was born premature, passed away at 8 weeks old after getting 9 vaccinations in one day! 9 people!! These are little tiny babies, with little tiny immune systems and they should NOT be given this many in one day! It is insane!
Don't get me wrong, I agree with some (not all) vaccines, but I adamantly do not believe that they should be given this many in one day.
Ask yourself this. Have you ever stopped to research what is in these vaccines? It is horrifying! Once you know what is in them you become very choosy on which ones your kids will get.
Here are few ingredients of a some of the vaccines:
Polio: Baby cow blood serum, glutamate (msg), formaldehyde, monkey kidney cells (yes, you read that right. FREAKING MONKEY KIDNEY CELLS!!!)
Rotavirus: Monkey kidney cells, and traces of fetal cow blood.
And no, I am not one of 'those people' that believe that thimersol has had anything to do with any kind of delay Jake has had. However, I do believe that had I let my Pediatrician give him the MMR when she recommended it, that I would have a vastly different child on my hand and NOT in a good way. I, whole-heartedly, believe in every fiber of my being that I did the right thing in delaying the MMR shot. I do believe that not all kids can handle all the vaccines the same. Each person's chemistry is different and each person's body reacts differently. Facts have proven that.
I do believe that some vaccines are not worth the risk. Take for instance the Hep B vaccine. This disease is most prevalent in Third World Countries where sanitation is poor and or through nonexistent sewer plants. The disease is also passed through IV drug needles. This vaccine is recommended at birth, for reasons I completely do not understand. I knew that when Caroline was born, she would not be getting that vaccine because a) she wasn't going to be exposed to an IV drug needles and b) she wouldn't be traveling abroad. I also don't believe in getting them vaccinated against the flu. And really, how do you really do that when they are about 10,000 different strains out there and when a vaccine is given it is typically given for one flu strand.
So, today please take a moment to think about all those babies that have been adversely affected by vaccines.
Here is to the link about baby Stacy: http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/preemie-dies-after-9-vax-in-one-day/
These are just a few examples and all ingredients can be found in each vaccine's product insert that you can request from your Pediatrician. The info that I am quoting is from the book "The Vaccine Book" by Dr. Robert Sears.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
A Letter of Thanks
Recently I wrote a letter to Jake’s Pre-K Teacher, Ms. Celeste. Mind you, I was terribly tardy in sending it as Jake started Kindergarten in the fall and graduated Pre-K in June. Typically when the school year ends, it is nice to bring in a thank you for the Teacher that has done so much for your child. I, however, was remise in doing this. Bad mommy!!
I do have a good reason for this, but really (as a friend recently told me), a simple deed is better than no deed at all.
Obviously, I knew Jake would be leaving this Teacher and had plenty of time to reflect and pick a perfect gift for her. But, I just couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye to her. I actually think I was more attached to her than Jake was, and he really was!
She did so much for him in the two years he was with her. He made strides that blew our expectations and hers. How do you thank someone who gave your son his voice? I kept going back and forth on what I would give her, and no gift seemed perfect. A Starbuck’s gift card? Not good enough. A gift card for the movies? Not good enough. Nothing seemed worthy. I stumbled over this and failed and delivered nothing at all.
I kept thinking, I will write her a letter today. That day came and went. The words never came to me. I was tongue tied and didn’t know what to say, only because I had so much to say. Does that make sense? I wanted her to feel my gratitude. My forever feeling of thankfulness for all that she did. Every time I went to write, my mind froze. Then, a few days before Thanksgiving, she was on my mind again and the words seemed to flow. I only hope my words were not too late.
My letter to his Teacher:
Dear Celeste,
I'm sure at this point, you probably have thought that we all fell off the face of the earth! Well, we haven't!
I've just been tongue tied and have unfortunately fallen into the category of "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".
I have thought about you almost daily since Jake left to start Kinder and when it was time for his graduation to Kinder and him leaving you, it became very difficult for me. You (and your staff) gave so much to Jake and invested so much in his success and it is because of you all that he is where he is today. From where we started when he was 11months old to now, is incredible. The strides and achievements he has made have been nothing short of a miracle and much of that success is because of you!!
I am forever grateful that you came into our lives and helped my son so much and there is no gift that would ever compare to the gratitude I owe you. Please know that our silence was nothing more than denial and sadness on my part. I was so proud that he was able to move on to Kinder, but was sad that it also meant he was moving on from you :(
So, during this time of Thanks, I give thanks to you for being so instrumental in my son's life! Best to you and your family during the holiday season!
All my best,
Jenn
I do have a good reason for this, but really (as a friend recently told me), a simple deed is better than no deed at all.
Obviously, I knew Jake would be leaving this Teacher and had plenty of time to reflect and pick a perfect gift for her. But, I just couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye to her. I actually think I was more attached to her than Jake was, and he really was!
She did so much for him in the two years he was with her. He made strides that blew our expectations and hers. How do you thank someone who gave your son his voice? I kept going back and forth on what I would give her, and no gift seemed perfect. A Starbuck’s gift card? Not good enough. A gift card for the movies? Not good enough. Nothing seemed worthy. I stumbled over this and failed and delivered nothing at all.
I kept thinking, I will write her a letter today. That day came and went. The words never came to me. I was tongue tied and didn’t know what to say, only because I had so much to say. Does that make sense? I wanted her to feel my gratitude. My forever feeling of thankfulness for all that she did. Every time I went to write, my mind froze. Then, a few days before Thanksgiving, she was on my mind again and the words seemed to flow. I only hope my words were not too late.
My letter to his Teacher:
Dear Celeste,
I'm sure at this point, you probably have thought that we all fell off the face of the earth! Well, we haven't!
I've just been tongue tied and have unfortunately fallen into the category of "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".
I have thought about you almost daily since Jake left to start Kinder and when it was time for his graduation to Kinder and him leaving you, it became very difficult for me. You (and your staff) gave so much to Jake and invested so much in his success and it is because of you all that he is where he is today. From where we started when he was 11months old to now, is incredible. The strides and achievements he has made have been nothing short of a miracle and much of that success is because of you!!
I am forever grateful that you came into our lives and helped my son so much and there is no gift that would ever compare to the gratitude I owe you. Please know that our silence was nothing more than denial and sadness on my part. I was so proud that he was able to move on to Kinder, but was sad that it also meant he was moving on from you :(
So, during this time of Thanks, I give thanks to you for being so instrumental in my son's life! Best to you and your family during the holiday season!
All my best,
Jenn
Monday, August 15, 2011
A Feel Good Post
So many feelings, so few words.
My heart is swollen right now for the love of my family.
I sit in awe of the perfectness of my children.
My ears smile with the sound of their laughter.
My heart is forever entwined with them.
The love I feel for my husband is without measure.
I am forever grateful to God for all that is in my life.
My heart is swollen right now for the love of my family.
I sit in awe of the perfectness of my children.
My ears smile with the sound of their laughter.
My heart is forever entwined with them.
The love I feel for my husband is without measure.
I am forever grateful to God for all that is in my life.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Caroline is 3 yrs old today!
Today is Sweet Caroline's Birthday! She is now 3 yrs old. I say it all the time because everytime I look at her, I am amazed at how fast the time really does go.
I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. The immense joy and love I felt for her was immediate and the depth of those feelings can never be fully explained for they are too great for words.
From the first day, there has been a very strong connection between she & I. In fact, a connection so strong that I wondered why? And then, one day I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine and while I was pondering this out loud to her, she had a thought about it that made sense to me. She said, "She was the one the made you feel whole. That you weren't broken and that you could conceive a child naturally". I think she is right.
I remember the day we met like it was yesterday. The immense joy and love I felt for her was immediate and the depth of those feelings can never be fully explained for they are too great for words.
From the first day, there has been a very strong connection between she & I. In fact, a connection so strong that I wondered why? And then, one day I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine and while I was pondering this out loud to her, she had a thought about it that made sense to me. She said, "She was the one the made you feel whole. That you weren't broken and that you could conceive a child naturally". I think she is right.
Happy Birthday, my Sweet Baby Girl!
Mama loves you to the moon & back!!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
R.I.P Binky
We have finally gotten Caroline to give up her Binky!! It actually wasn't a struggle at all for her to stop, but it just seems like we should have gotten her to stop earlier. But whatever. She has been Binky-free now for two solid weeks and she has done awesome! And for a girl with the strongest sucking reflex EVER, to just give it up cold turkey, is nothing short of a miracle!! Way to go my Sweet Caroline!!
Year 2 - STILL using the Binky
In September 2010 when she started pre-school, we stopped the Binkies at nap time. She was only using them at night.
June 2011 she is Binky free!! Yippee!!
Year 3- her birthday is July 11th and there will no longer be any Binkies!!
Year 0 - first Binky in the hospital
Year 1 - still using the Binky
In September 2010 when she started pre-school, we stopped the Binkies at nap time. She was only using them at night.
June 2011 she is Binky free!! Yippee!!
Year 3- her birthday is July 11th and there will no longer be any Binkies!!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Religious Confusion
I was raised in a Christian household. Not overly in-your-face, but I knew it was there. We never prayed, except on major holidays before chowing down. We never went to Church. My Mom's feeling was that we didn't need to go to a building to talk to God. That we could talk to him whenever and wherever, not just on Sunday or in a Church. It made sense to me. Still does.
Something in me decided that around the age of 9 or so, that I was going to be a Catholic. I still to this day, do not know why I chose that path. But I was determined to get baptized and made my Mom take me to Bible Study once a week so that I could learn all about the Catholic religion. And she obliged ;) I was baptized and from that moment on, I became a Catholic.
When I met James, I knew he was Christian but didn't think much of the difference at the time. In fact, we attend a Christian church. And it is fine, but it feels informal to me and I struggle with feeling the authority or history of God. There is something to be said for attending mass and feeling that overwhelming spirit when you walk in. I love the pomp & circumstance of the Catholic church and long for it. I also struggle with wondering if my kid's will get to know both religions and still want to have them baptized.
Now as I get older, and I understand all the nuts & bolts about what each religion believes, I feel like I am even more confused now.
1 - Here's what I mean. I ABSOLUTELY do not believe in abortion. I believe that life starts at conception, and that no human should have the right to end that life due to an inconvenience. If you are old enough to have sex, than you are old enough to deal with all issues that come with that responsibility. It is even hard for me to agree with an abortion when a women has been raped. I know, I know. Put myself in that situation and would I feel differently? I really don't know, but can't know because I haven't been there. I think people really like to use the "women's right" thing as a get-out-jail free card. I think that law that just passed in Oklahoma, where a woman must undergo an ultrasound and hear a description of the fetus before getting an abortion, is absolutely the right thing. People need to understand, that this is a living breathing child. This is where I agree with the Catholic church.
2- I don't care if a gay or lesbian want to marry each other. I am for gay marriage. I believe that if you are in a loving relationship then there should be no reason why you cannot commit yourselves to each other. Seriously, what harm would happen if this were to be made legal? I also don't agree in promoting hate and it seems that is what happens with this subject. It feels more like bigotry to me, than people preaching what God wants us to do. I don't believe God would want us hating people. Just my feelings on it. This is where me and the Catholic church do not agree or the Christian church for that matter. Seriously, can't we all just get along and love each other?? If no one is hurting anyone, than who cares!
Those are just two examples of where my confusion lies. There are more where that came from, but those are the hottest issues. For me anyway.
So, where does this put me religiously? I have no idea!! How about you? Are your thoughts in line with your religious beliefs?
Something in me decided that around the age of 9 or so, that I was going to be a Catholic. I still to this day, do not know why I chose that path. But I was determined to get baptized and made my Mom take me to Bible Study once a week so that I could learn all about the Catholic religion. And she obliged ;) I was baptized and from that moment on, I became a Catholic.
When I met James, I knew he was Christian but didn't think much of the difference at the time. In fact, we attend a Christian church. And it is fine, but it feels informal to me and I struggle with feeling the authority or history of God. There is something to be said for attending mass and feeling that overwhelming spirit when you walk in. I love the pomp & circumstance of the Catholic church and long for it. I also struggle with wondering if my kid's will get to know both religions and still want to have them baptized.
Now as I get older, and I understand all the nuts & bolts about what each religion believes, I feel like I am even more confused now.
1 - Here's what I mean. I ABSOLUTELY do not believe in abortion. I believe that life starts at conception, and that no human should have the right to end that life due to an inconvenience. If you are old enough to have sex, than you are old enough to deal with all issues that come with that responsibility. It is even hard for me to agree with an abortion when a women has been raped. I know, I know. Put myself in that situation and would I feel differently? I really don't know, but can't know because I haven't been there. I think people really like to use the "women's right" thing as a get-out-jail free card. I think that law that just passed in Oklahoma, where a woman must undergo an ultrasound and hear a description of the fetus before getting an abortion, is absolutely the right thing. People need to understand, that this is a living breathing child. This is where I agree with the Catholic church.
2- I don't care if a gay or lesbian want to marry each other. I am for gay marriage. I believe that if you are in a loving relationship then there should be no reason why you cannot commit yourselves to each other. Seriously, what harm would happen if this were to be made legal? I also don't agree in promoting hate and it seems that is what happens with this subject. It feels more like bigotry to me, than people preaching what God wants us to do. I don't believe God would want us hating people. Just my feelings on it. This is where me and the Catholic church do not agree or the Christian church for that matter. Seriously, can't we all just get along and love each other?? If no one is hurting anyone, than who cares!
Those are just two examples of where my confusion lies. There are more where that came from, but those are the hottest issues. For me anyway.
So, where does this put me religiously? I have no idea!! How about you? Are your thoughts in line with your religious beliefs?
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
This, This & That
When you are thinking about a mate, most of us have a list of 'this, this & that', that we hope they have.
Well, when I married James, I got this, this & that AND a whole lot more!!
I got a man who has a heart of gold and loves with his whole heart. Me and the kids hit the jackpot!
Back in March, my company sponsored a St. Baldrick's event. If you do not know who they are, please take a moment to check out the link at the bottom of my page as it will give you all the details. I was not aware of St. Baldrick's until my company hosted the event two years ago. At that time, I knew of a little girl that was fighting a vicious battle against Neuroblastoma. Her name is Layla Grace. I watched in despair as her parents did all they could do save their little girl. Unfortunately, she succumb to cancer on March 9, 2010 at the tender age of 27months. To say that I was completely consumed with her and her fight, would be an understatement. I was mad, devastated and guilty. Mad that this was happening to this little girl. Mad that her parents had to watch their baby suffer and ultimately, pass away in their arms. Devastated that I grew to love a child I never knew and had to mourn her loss. Guilty that at times my kids were so misbehaved that I wished for two minutes of peace, knowing that Ryan & Shanna would give anything for those two minutes back with Layla.
As you can imagine, James would watch me suffering and at first, thought that it was not a good idea to get so wrapped around a child that I didn't even know. Which, I totally understand. He would see me cry and cry and cry. And as a spouse, the last thing you want to see is your partner crying and knowing you can't do anything to help. And then, his light bulb came on!
As I told him of my desire to do whatever I could to help these babies, he joined the fight!!! He helped me think of ideas regarding my non-profit. He helped me by talking about the babies that I would tell him about. He didn't have to do any of this. He could have turned his cheek and let me go down this road he knew I needed to travel down. But no. He joined me!
So, when St. Baldrick's came around again this year, I decided I was going to get even more involved and became one of the organizers of our event. I met weekly with other colleagues and we brain stormed on how we would raise more money than last year and how we would blow the roof of this years event! And we did! Combined with our other locations around the world, we raised over $970K for St. Baldrick's! Quite an accomplishment! But...that's not all!
My husband decided that he and Jake would join the fight and raise funds to shave their heads in solidarity for all the kids around the world fighting this disease! He and my son raised over $1800.00!! His heart is simply amazing to me. Not only did he decide to shave his head, he also reached out to a little girl and her family and wanted to sponsor them. He told them all about the event and invited them down to be a part of it. Her name is Hailey and she is the little girl pictured between James & Jake. She had brain cancer and is now in remission!
He and my son, took the stage together and shaved their heads! It was awesome to have my kids there and teach them about giving back to those that need it most. I love that, if nothing else, this is the lesson that they get from James & I.
I firmly believe that those that can, should. If you have even a few dollars to spare, you should be donating them. If you have even a few hours to spare, then you should be donating them. Those of us that are of able bodies, should be giving back. It is the humane thing to do.
Babe, I am more in love with you everyday! I am so proud that you are my husband. Thank you for being such a great example to our kids!
Well, when I married James, I got this, this & that AND a whole lot more!!
I got a man who has a heart of gold and loves with his whole heart. Me and the kids hit the jackpot!
Back in March, my company sponsored a St. Baldrick's event. If you do not know who they are, please take a moment to check out the link at the bottom of my page as it will give you all the details. I was not aware of St. Baldrick's until my company hosted the event two years ago. At that time, I knew of a little girl that was fighting a vicious battle against Neuroblastoma. Her name is Layla Grace. I watched in despair as her parents did all they could do save their little girl. Unfortunately, she succumb to cancer on March 9, 2010 at the tender age of 27months. To say that I was completely consumed with her and her fight, would be an understatement. I was mad, devastated and guilty. Mad that this was happening to this little girl. Mad that her parents had to watch their baby suffer and ultimately, pass away in their arms. Devastated that I grew to love a child I never knew and had to mourn her loss. Guilty that at times my kids were so misbehaved that I wished for two minutes of peace, knowing that Ryan & Shanna would give anything for those two minutes back with Layla.
As you can imagine, James would watch me suffering and at first, thought that it was not a good idea to get so wrapped around a child that I didn't even know. Which, I totally understand. He would see me cry and cry and cry. And as a spouse, the last thing you want to see is your partner crying and knowing you can't do anything to help. And then, his light bulb came on!
As I told him of my desire to do whatever I could to help these babies, he joined the fight!!! He helped me think of ideas regarding my non-profit. He helped me by talking about the babies that I would tell him about. He didn't have to do any of this. He could have turned his cheek and let me go down this road he knew I needed to travel down. But no. He joined me!
So, when St. Baldrick's came around again this year, I decided I was going to get even more involved and became one of the organizers of our event. I met weekly with other colleagues and we brain stormed on how we would raise more money than last year and how we would blow the roof of this years event! And we did! Combined with our other locations around the world, we raised over $970K for St. Baldrick's! Quite an accomplishment! But...that's not all!
My husband decided that he and Jake would join the fight and raise funds to shave their heads in solidarity for all the kids around the world fighting this disease! He and my son raised over $1800.00!! His heart is simply amazing to me. Not only did he decide to shave his head, he also reached out to a little girl and her family and wanted to sponsor them. He told them all about the event and invited them down to be a part of it. Her name is Hailey and she is the little girl pictured between James & Jake. She had brain cancer and is now in remission!
He and my son, took the stage together and shaved their heads! It was awesome to have my kids there and teach them about giving back to those that need it most. I love that, if nothing else, this is the lesson that they get from James & I.
I firmly believe that those that can, should. If you have even a few dollars to spare, you should be donating them. If you have even a few hours to spare, then you should be donating them. Those of us that are of able bodies, should be giving back. It is the humane thing to do.
Babe, I am more in love with you everyday! I am so proud that you are my husband. Thank you for being such a great example to our kids!
Monday, June 6, 2011
A Change of Direction
Lately, James & I have been leaning towards Jacob attending mainstream Kindergarten and were very excited that he and Grace would, finally, be attending the same school together.
Well, that is not to be.
His present teacher called me for a conference and expressed her concern about Jake attending regular Kindergarten. She does not think he is ready. I won't lie. This deeply saddened me. Here I had been talking to Grace & Jake about their new school, even taking them there on the weekends to get them familiar with the lay of the land. And now, it is not to be :(
I really wanted to tell his Teacher that she was wrong. That he was ready. But in my gut, I know that she is right. He is not ready.
Academically, he is perfect! He is scoring above his grade, but socially, he is behind. Not far, but still behind. In Kindergarten, it is required that you do as you are told. If you are told to sit down and do your work, that is what you should be doing and the Teacher should not have to be reminding you of this task. This is where the issue lies. He is probably hitting this command at about 50%. We still see this behavior at home, which makes it easier to accept her recommendation.
His current Teacher, Ms. C., wanted me to go and tour the school they are recommending. It is what they call an 'SDC' (special day class). Where there is a Teacher and four Aides to 10 kids vs, 1 Teacher and 1 Aide to 25 kids. The individualized attention is so much more and will benefit him greatly. The plan is to have him in this class, but during part of the day he will be mainstreamed into the general Kindergarten class so that he can see what is expected of him and be ready to rock 'n roll when the time comes! The goal is that by the time 1st grade rolls around, he will be ready to attend 1st grade in a general session.
So this morning, I met the school Psychologist at the new school and was more than pleasantly surprised at the class. The Teacher, Ms. K., is a woman that has the most calm way about her. I was there for a good 35mins and she had those kids listening and participating without raising her voice in the slightest!! Heck..I need parenting classes from her! She had them saying the Pledge of Allegiance, counting the days that had past of the school year in ten's, she even had them doing yoga! So cute to see the little ones in the doggie down pose ;)
Now, my heart and soul feel great about him being at this school. I know that he will succeed and soar! I have no doubts in my Bubbi!
I attached some pics....well just because he is so stinkin' cute! He was showing off his Mohawk :)
Well, that is not to be.
His present teacher called me for a conference and expressed her concern about Jake attending regular Kindergarten. She does not think he is ready. I won't lie. This deeply saddened me. Here I had been talking to Grace & Jake about their new school, even taking them there on the weekends to get them familiar with the lay of the land. And now, it is not to be :(
I really wanted to tell his Teacher that she was wrong. That he was ready. But in my gut, I know that she is right. He is not ready.
Academically, he is perfect! He is scoring above his grade, but socially, he is behind. Not far, but still behind. In Kindergarten, it is required that you do as you are told. If you are told to sit down and do your work, that is what you should be doing and the Teacher should not have to be reminding you of this task. This is where the issue lies. He is probably hitting this command at about 50%. We still see this behavior at home, which makes it easier to accept her recommendation.
His current Teacher, Ms. C., wanted me to go and tour the school they are recommending. It is what they call an 'SDC' (special day class). Where there is a Teacher and four Aides to 10 kids vs, 1 Teacher and 1 Aide to 25 kids. The individualized attention is so much more and will benefit him greatly. The plan is to have him in this class, but during part of the day he will be mainstreamed into the general Kindergarten class so that he can see what is expected of him and be ready to rock 'n roll when the time comes! The goal is that by the time 1st grade rolls around, he will be ready to attend 1st grade in a general session.
So this morning, I met the school Psychologist at the new school and was more than pleasantly surprised at the class. The Teacher, Ms. K., is a woman that has the most calm way about her. I was there for a good 35mins and she had those kids listening and participating without raising her voice in the slightest!! Heck..I need parenting classes from her! She had them saying the Pledge of Allegiance, counting the days that had past of the school year in ten's, she even had them doing yoga! So cute to see the little ones in the doggie down pose ;)
Now, my heart and soul feel great about him being at this school. I know that he will succeed and soar! I have no doubts in my Bubbi!
I attached some pics....well just because he is so stinkin' cute! He was showing off his Mohawk :)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Baby Over 40
Am I too old to have another?
I don’t worry about my health, I worry about my sanity.
With 3 kids under 5, would my psychy survive?
Am I crazy to even entertain the idea?
The backstory is that we used IVF to get pregnant with the twins and during that 1st (and only) cycle they were able to retrieve plenty of great eggs. When it was time to implant, we decided to implant 3, leaving 4 on ice. 4 embryo’s, not eggs. Big difference in my mind and my husband’s.
When we were in the process of IVF, it never entered our minds what we would do with the remaining embryo’s. The thinking was to hope for as many good eggs as possible, so that if the one cycle failed, we would have others to implant. Truthfully, I went in to the whole process very positive and had a very strong feeling that we would conceive out of the gate. I never thought about the other eggs we fertilized. Which, I admit, was very reckless. I just didn’t think that far in advance.
So, now here we are with 4 embryo’s on ice and I feel a responsibility to give them a chance.
I really can’t wrap my head around 4 more children and I know that James cannot either, but we both feel a moral responsibility to those babies. So, our game plan will be to put one in at a time and see what happens.
I have no idea when we are going to do this, but it will be soon as I am not getting any younger. In fact, in a few days I will be 41. Is it too old? I don’t think so in this day and age.
And in case you were wondering. Caroline was conceived naturally while we were in North Carolina on vacation scouting out a new state for us to live in. Hence her name…Caroline
I don’t worry about my health, I worry about my sanity.
With 3 kids under 5, would my psychy survive?
Am I crazy to even entertain the idea?
The backstory is that we used IVF to get pregnant with the twins and during that 1st (and only) cycle they were able to retrieve plenty of great eggs. When it was time to implant, we decided to implant 3, leaving 4 on ice. 4 embryo’s, not eggs. Big difference in my mind and my husband’s.
When we were in the process of IVF, it never entered our minds what we would do with the remaining embryo’s. The thinking was to hope for as many good eggs as possible, so that if the one cycle failed, we would have others to implant. Truthfully, I went in to the whole process very positive and had a very strong feeling that we would conceive out of the gate. I never thought about the other eggs we fertilized. Which, I admit, was very reckless. I just didn’t think that far in advance.
So, now here we are with 4 embryo’s on ice and I feel a responsibility to give them a chance.
I really can’t wrap my head around 4 more children and I know that James cannot either, but we both feel a moral responsibility to those babies. So, our game plan will be to put one in at a time and see what happens.
I have no idea when we are going to do this, but it will be soon as I am not getting any younger. In fact, in a few days I will be 41. Is it too old? I don’t think so in this day and age.
And in case you were wondering. Caroline was conceived naturally while we were in North Carolina on vacation scouting out a new state for us to live in. Hence her name…Caroline
Monday, May 23, 2011
A Fun Weekend!
As I wrote in an earlier post, my health has been acting up lately and some days are better than others. Unfortunately, I had a flare up on Saturday and was left pretty much down for the count.
But on Sunday! That was a whole different story! I was up and raring to go! James & I decided to split up the kids and he took Grace on a hike and I took Jake & Caroline to our favorite park that has a train you ride around the park and it also has a carousel! The kids had a great time and so did James & I.
Here's some pics!
I hope you all had a great weekend too!!
But on Sunday! That was a whole different story! I was up and raring to go! James & I decided to split up the kids and he took Grace on a hike and I took Jake & Caroline to our favorite park that has a train you ride around the park and it also has a carousel! The kids had a great time and so did James & I.
Here's some pics!
I hope you all had a great weekend too!!
The Simple Life
Does it exist?
I am constantly craving the simple life. I want to know my neighbors...all of them. Not just the one to the right of us. I want to live in a community. I want to live in an area that shares my religious beliefs and political beliefs. Here, we are in the minority on both of those. I am tired of people actually laughing in my face because they think I am joking when I tell them I have been to Bible study. This is my reality and not one I want my kids raised in.
My Mom's side of the family is all from Waco, Texas and I have been surrounded by the Southern tongue forever! My Grandma who has lived her for at least 55yrs, STILL has an accent as thick as molasses and it is music to my ears. There is a lot to be said for the way people act in the South. People are much more friendly there and southern charm still exists!
My heart really craves the South. I need to be there. I need to raise my children there. I need the slower pace. There are so many pro's for my family moving, but with pro's, comes the con's.
My parents and my husband's parents are all here. That would mean that my kids would not get to see them on the regular basis that they do now. I know that the relationships that have been formed between my parents and my children would stay sound. I have no doubt about that and my parents would make sure of it! It just means that the frequency of the visits would be spread out.
But as a woman, who was once a child, I will always need my mommy. There I said it aloud. I will miss my parents beyond words. I am extremely close to my mom & dad and I'm not sure my anxiety could handle being across the country from them :( But, I am an adult now (begrudgingly so) and I need to do what's best for my family and I do believe that this would be the right decision.
My mom has always said that I should have been born in the 50's, and I really do think she is right! I want to stay home with my kids. I want to volunteer at worthy causes and feel like I am giving something back to my community.
But most of all, I want to feel like I am home. And I don't not feel that now.
Tell me, where do you live and do you like it? Does it feel like home? Are you considering a move?
I am constantly craving the simple life. I want to know my neighbors...all of them. Not just the one to the right of us. I want to live in a community. I want to live in an area that shares my religious beliefs and political beliefs. Here, we are in the minority on both of those. I am tired of people actually laughing in my face because they think I am joking when I tell them I have been to Bible study. This is my reality and not one I want my kids raised in.
My Mom's side of the family is all from Waco, Texas and I have been surrounded by the Southern tongue forever! My Grandma who has lived her for at least 55yrs, STILL has an accent as thick as molasses and it is music to my ears. There is a lot to be said for the way people act in the South. People are much more friendly there and southern charm still exists!
My heart really craves the South. I need to be there. I need to raise my children there. I need the slower pace. There are so many pro's for my family moving, but with pro's, comes the con's.
My parents and my husband's parents are all here. That would mean that my kids would not get to see them on the regular basis that they do now. I know that the relationships that have been formed between my parents and my children would stay sound. I have no doubt about that and my parents would make sure of it! It just means that the frequency of the visits would be spread out.
But as a woman, who was once a child, I will always need my mommy. There I said it aloud. I will miss my parents beyond words. I am extremely close to my mom & dad and I'm not sure my anxiety could handle being across the country from them :( But, I am an adult now (begrudgingly so) and I need to do what's best for my family and I do believe that this would be the right decision.
My mom has always said that I should have been born in the 50's, and I really do think she is right! I want to stay home with my kids. I want to volunteer at worthy causes and feel like I am giving something back to my community.
But most of all, I want to feel like I am home. And I don't not feel that now.
Tell me, where do you live and do you like it? Does it feel like home? Are you considering a move?
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Many Bambino's
Ever since I could remember, my goal in life was to have many, many kids and stay home and raise them. Back in that young mind of mine, I totally had the whole thing planned out. My husband would work, I would stay home and raise the babies, clean the house, fix the dinner, etc. My mom always said that I was born in the wrong era and I couldn't agree more! I still long for that dream to become a reality.
But, welcome the monkey wrench in to the plans.
It appears as tho, I have zilch for patience. How is that my dream is to stay home surronded by little voices, messes and God knows what else when the slightest bit of chaos has me pulling my hair out?
Could I have been that wrong about my dream?? I only have 3 kids and beg to be able to take a shower or go to the bathroom without an audience!! It is true that I don't have a lot of down time from the kids, but still, if I was a stay at home mom, the same would be true and even more so!! I would be with them 24/7, where as now, I work full-time Monday-Friday and only have the mornings and evenings with them during the week and then they are with us full-time on the weekends. It's a strain. It's a strain on my marriage.
YET.....
I think I want another???? What is wrong with me?!! Someone needs to seriously lock me up!
Please tell me there are others of you out there just like me that would do it all over again!! Please!!!
But, welcome the monkey wrench in to the plans.
It appears as tho, I have zilch for patience. How is that my dream is to stay home surronded by little voices, messes and God knows what else when the slightest bit of chaos has me pulling my hair out?
Could I have been that wrong about my dream?? I only have 3 kids and beg to be able to take a shower or go to the bathroom without an audience!! It is true that I don't have a lot of down time from the kids, but still, if I was a stay at home mom, the same would be true and even more so!! I would be with them 24/7, where as now, I work full-time Monday-Friday and only have the mornings and evenings with them during the week and then they are with us full-time on the weekends. It's a strain. It's a strain on my marriage.
YET.....
I think I want another???? What is wrong with me?!! Someone needs to seriously lock me up!
Please tell me there are others of you out there just like me that would do it all over again!! Please!!!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
A Beautiful Life
I was watching a 20/20 special with Stephanie Nielson, the author of the Nie Nie Dialogues, who survived a horrific plane crash that burned over 60-80% of her body. She went on to tell her story of how her kids had to get to know their ‘new’ mommy and how her then 22month old thought her sister was his mommy. She has had countless operations. Had to endure more pain than anyone could possibly understand and do you know what she said at the end of her interview when asked if she had any regrets??
She said that she had no regrets and that she has a beautiful life!
I am amazed at how some people pull themselves up from the bottom and carry on. They do not look back; only forward. They do not wallow in self pity. They don’t waste time thinking of what was and what is. The concentrate on the good. The now.
I seriously think some people are just wired this way and I do not believe myself to be one of them. I get caught up in my drama. Which compared to others, would be a joke.
I get caught up in the fact that I have gained weight. I get caught up in the fact that I have hit a rough spot within myself. There are many days when I don’t want to get out of bed. When staying in my pajamas seems like the best choice out there.
Then there are other days when I feel like I am as happy as happy could be. When the perfect song will come on the radio and I will sing my heart out. When the perfect day has brought the perfect weather. There are many days like this, but it seems as of lately, that there are too many bad days to outweigh the good.
I have had health issues all my life and again I am dealing with another. Nothing life threatening, just life annoying! I live in constant pain. Some days the pain is better than others. Right now, it sucks. It’s uncomfortable. It sucks to be in chronic pain. It sucks to be told that an answer to this is a hysterectomy. It all sucks.
And yet, here is a woman who knows what pain really is. I commend her for her willpower and strength. She is truly a role model.
I think I will adopt her philosophy….
“Life is Beautiful”
His and Hers
It reflects partnership, teammates, true love.
He is my husband and the man of my dreams. I am forever grateful that I met him and that he asked for my hand in marriage.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
A Brave Little Man
On May 3rd, in the afternoon, brave Phinean Halligan took his last breath.
He was only 2 1/2 yrs old
Neuroblastoma
He faught so hard for a year
When will this end?
Mad, does not even begin to express all the rage I feel about this.
You can pay your respects at www.caringbridge.org/visit/phinhalligan
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