Wednesday, October 14, 2009

I was meant to do something else

I am almost 40 and have just finally figured out what I am suppose to be doing with my life..kind of.

Ever since I have found Heather's blog, I have been touched/affected/heartbroken by the true real world we live in. Everytime I read her blog, which is daily, or another mommy's blog who has lost a child, I get mad. I get mad that I can't do a damn thing to change their outcome. I get mad that I don't know them personally and therefore, cannot give them a big hug and drop off lasagna. I get mad that I feel like I am not contributing to the big picture out there. The things I worry about are stupid. The things that these women deal with on a daily basis are real and devastating. In in my world, I am worried about what laundry detergent will smell better or how I have to get my boss from point A to point B.

Like any of this really helps anyone that it should. I guess what I am saying is that I feel like my energy is wasted doing crap that doesn't help people in true need.

I want nothing more than to help babies. Sick babies. Babies that can't fight for themselves. I truly feel like I was put on this earth to help kids. They own my heart. And when I see a child with a disability, I don't look at them weird or shun them. Just the opposite in fact. I want to wrap my arms around them and talk to them and let them know they are loved.

I was at the pumpkin patch with the hubby and kids this weekend and there was a little girl there who was 2 1/2 that had Downs Syndrome. She was cute as a button. In fact, she looked a lot like my Caroline ;) It was obvious that her mother treated her no different and that she was well loved. I was so drawn to her. I just wanted to talk to her and put a big smile on her face.

Now, what do I do with this? Quit my job and go back to school? I can't. Too many bills. I am at such a crossroads in my life. I would hate to be 80 and be looking back with regret in my life. If anyone has any suggestions, I am all ears.

Oh probably none of this makes sense and I am rambling again. God how I wish I had the talent to write like Mrs. Spohr ;)

1 comment:

Jenny said...

Jenn - I too read Heather's blog, and found your blog via your comment. Loved the idea of the Abbie Cadabbie party! I know what you mean, I'm heartbroken every day by the types of things these women encounter and feel so suffocated by my own busy-ness and bills that I can't do something better.

I have realized that through these blogs, we can do a few things. Simply by ENJOYING our own life, cherishing our children, we are honoring Maddie. Really stopping to smell the roses, we have our every days with our kids, even though we work and life is hectic. Each time I get annoyed that my 2 year old is having a bedtime battle, or wrestling me to get her diaper on, I remember how much Heather would give to have one more bedtime battle or one more wrestle with a poopie and Maddie. I try to not take my own life for granted - because she can't.
I wish I could write as elegantly as she does also, but instead, I'm just a stranger leaving you a rambly comment. I hope that's okay.

Charity, weather it be time or money, a little or a lot does make a difference. And gently encouraging others to give their resources helps also. Everyone needs a reminder - because most of us have it in us, it just gets lost. You can't help these women in their day to day devastation, but by supporting their heart felt causes and making it easier for one new family or child, you do make a difference. For wanting to make a difference and by saying it outloud-making others think, you do make a difference. Today, don't forget to love yourself for that mama! Much love!