Friday, November 20, 2009

The Great Communicator

It has been brought to my attention that I am not a great communicator.

At 39 you would think that I would have life all figured out by now, but not a chance!

God bless my husband for being a forgiving and patient human being. I am now aware that when he & I fight, I shut down like the Great Wall of China. I never really knew why I would shut down so hard and honestly didn't always know how to process all the info that was coming in and out of me. I have realized that when we fight, I am so afraid to say the wrong things and make things much worse and afraid that whatever I have said would be the final straw and he would leave. And to be clear, this is not because of anything he has said or done, this is all me and the way I have learned to communicate, or shall I say, not communicate.

I love my husband more than any other I have ever been with. He possesses all those qualities that mean so much to me in a partner. He is the perfect husband for me! And our kids are soo lucky to have him as their father.

And that is exactly why I shut down so hard. I am so afraid of losing him that I put up those protect myself.

I guess I know what my New Years resolution will be.

Here's to hoping I figure this crap out sooner rather than later.

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