It's the most wonderful time of the year

I know that statement is typically used to express winter/Christmas, but today it truly felt like the most wonderful time of the year.

I was walking to the cafeteria to get lunch and as I was walking the corridor, I was loving the sights of fall. The trees are more bare now as leaves are almost done falling. The sky was a beautiful blue and the weather was absolutely perfect. Sweater weather, but comfy, not too cold.

It was one of those moments where you just have to stop and take it all in. The beauty of it all.

Life is good today!

Thanksgiving 2009

I am happy and thankful for so much in my life. My children are healthy and happy. My husband & I are both healthy and happy. Life is good!

Happy Thanksgiving All!!

The Great Communicator

It has been brought to my attention that I am not a great communicator.

At 39 you would think that I would have life all figured out by now, but not a chance!

God bless my husband for being a forgiving and patient human being. I am now aware that when he & I fight, I shut down like the Great Wall of China. I never really knew why I would shut down so hard and honestly didn't always know how to process all the info that was coming in and out of me. I have realized that when we fight, I am so afraid to say the wrong things and make things much worse and afraid that whatever I have said would be the final straw and he would leave. And to be clear, this is not because of anything he has said or done, this is all me and the way I have learned to communicate, or shall I say, not communicate.

I love my husband more than any other I have ever been with. He possesses all those qualities that mean so much to me in a partner. He is the perfect husband for me! And our kids are soo lucky to have him as their father.

And that is exactly why I shut down so hard. I am so afraid of losing him that I put up those walls....to protect myself.

I guess I know what my New Years resolution will be.

Here's to me...in hoping I figure this crap out sooner rather than later.

And now some good news!!

Thanks to Jenny for sending me this info!!

Sally at www.tuesdayshope.blogspot.com welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world!

Congratulations to all and welcome to the world little Angus!

A kick in the gut

Today a lady I have read about on blogs suffered a massive stroke. As I type this her outcome is unknown. She is married, has 3 children and is loved.

This has stopped me dead in my tracks because all I can think about is her children. Will they now be without their mother? Will she be in a coma? Will they ever feel her arms around them again? Will they ever hear her tell them that nothing matters more in the world to her but them?

The world just kicks me in the gut day after day. Yes, there is much to be grateful for but at the same time, so much sadness happens everyday and I am so tired of it.

I do have faith and know that God has plans, but sometimes it is just so overwhelming.

I pray that she comes out of this and all will be okay.

To be or not to be....

Blessed?

This is a real bone of contention with me. I'm not really sure how to explain it, but here goes.

So, a baby gets sick and is fighting for his/her life when miraculously he/she survives. Someone will say "you have been blessed".

Does that mean the parent who lost their child is not blessed?

There has got to be a better way of conveying a message of gratitude other than making the ones that have lost, feel like they aren't blessed. I understand why people say it and I understand the intention.....I have even said it. But then it makes me stop and think?? Is God not blessing those that have lost a child? I don't believe that to be true. God has a plan for all us and we are all blessed regardless of what happens in our life.

Does this make any sense at all?

I'm soo confused!

What do y'all think?

A mixed bag

I feel a certain sense of duty to write something daily and I suppose that is the pressure I put on myself to keep up with the awesome ladies that blog everyday and make it look easy!

There are many, many nights when I wake up in the middle of the night and have some profound moment of clarity and could write an awesome blog. But then the morning comes and the words are all mixed up and I can't get them out the way I want them too.

Today is one of those days. In my head I have some pretty good posts I want to write, some pretty deep, others pretty light. But I can't seem to make the words cohesive.

So maybe tomorrow the words will come out a little easier I will actually have something interesting to write about ;)

Until then.......Hugs, Jenn

The sweetest surprise

A letter to my daughter.

My Sweet Caroline,

You were the sweetest surprise a mommy could ever hope for. I always told your daddy that two kids in our life were not enough and that I always felt like I was missing someone and I was right! I was missing you!

When I conceived you, daddy & I were in North Carolina scoping out the area because we had serious aspirations of moving us all out there. It was our 4th wedding anniversary and your Grammy and Grandpa were watching your brother and sister while we were deciding if N.C. was going to be the place for our family.

We were there for 4 days and we had a great time, just the two of us. During the trip, we fell more in love with N.C. than we thought we would and had decided to start making our plans to move out to the east coast.

We came home and were started to put our plans in motion and I remember feeling not very well at all. I was tired all the time, I was a tad nauseous and just didn't overall feel very well. I also remember having a very strong, strange food craving! I HAD to have a chicken salad sandwich with swiss cheese and avocado everyday and also had to have a ceaser salad every night! I never thought in a million years that I would be able to get pregnant the old fashioned way. Every Doctor I ever saw, said that I would have to use other means to get pregnant because I have PCOS and NK (natural killer) cells. So with your brother & sister we used IVF and thought we would have to do the same to get pregnant again.

So that is why I never thought for one second I was pregnant again. But guess what....I was! After complaining enough and worrying that I had some rare cancer...daddy said "are you sure you aren't pregnant?" Honestly, the thought never, ever crossed my mind b/c the Dr.'s had always said there would be no way for me to conceive without help. So I came home early one day and took the test and it came back positive right away!

I remember calling my Dr. the very next day to make an appointment to come in and see him and he said not to get too excited until we did an ultrasound and he could make sure, all was okay. So we scheduled the ultrasound for a few days later.

As I was laying on the table getting ready, my Dr. was still skeptical and warned to not get too excited until we actually saw something. He also didn't think I was very far along and said that we probably wouldn't see much.

Well given that I have had my fair share of ultrasounds due to having twins prior, as soon as he put the probe in....I saw you right away! He was even surprised at how big you were! We were much further along then we thought! He thought I might have only been about 4-5 weeks when in reality I was already 7 weeks pregnant! The emotion that came over me, I will never forget. I cried the happiest tears of joy ever! Not only were you there, you were thriving! There was the missing addition to our family!

I always tell your daddy that God trumped him. Don't get me wrong, your daddy wanted another baby, he just wasn't sure when and I was sure that I wanted another right away. So God granted me my wish and you were born on July 11th, 2008 weighing a hefty 8lbs 3oz. You were absolutely perfect and gorgeous.

You turned 16months old yesterday and have been the most wonderful baby a mommy could hope for.

Here is what you are doing and saying at 16 months:

You can say, Mama, Daddy, Bubba, Sissy, Dakota (dog), Kiki (cat), all done, me

You can sign, more, please, thank you, eat

Your nicknames are: Chunky, Monkey and Punky

You know when you want something and when you don't.

You are walking, running and climbing anything you can!

When I ask if you have a poopy, you shake your head yes and head to your room to be changed

You clean up after yourself. No joke! If you are playing with a toy and we are getting ready to go somewhere, you always put the toy back in the toy box before leaving. You even put your dirty clothes in the hamper! You are such a smart cookie!

Your laugh is contagious and robust.

Your eyes are the most beautiful blue...just like your daddy's.

Your personality is infectious and I can never get enough of you!

I love you my Sweet Caroline more than any written words and am so honored to be your mommy.

Happy Birthday Maddie!

Hi Maddie,

Some people might find it odd that I care soo deeply for you and your family. Some might even consider you and I strangers. But those are the people who do not know you like I have come to know you. There are so many things about you that have changed my life and considering that I never even got to hold your little hand and hug you, I find that amazing.

So I started thinking about that. Is Maddie a stranger to me? My answer was 'no'! If I was a stranger, I wouldn't know that you love the color purple, that you love to play music and that you love Abby Cadabby! In fact, I think I know more about you than I do about most of my friend's children. Which would explain my deep love for you and I find nothing foreign or strange about that!

Happy Birthday little Maddie Moo! You are missed immensely!

Hallelujah!!

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you that prayed for Stellan!

A miracle happened yesterday and I for one am in awe to have witnessed it via the internet.

That little boy went through the worst possible thing any mother could imagine...he flat lined. His poor mama could do nothing but hope & pray that the medical team could bring him back..and thankfully they did!

In the OR, they ran into obstacle after obstacle but did not give up and found away to go through his Aorta and were succesfully able to ablate!

It worked and that little boy is SVT free! Prayers were answered.

He is having some difficulty in recovery, but if anyone has the tenacity to recover it is Stellan!

You can go to MckMama's blog and read all about it! http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

For Stellan

I am dedicating my post today to sweet little Stellan.

I'm sure most of you know about McKmama's blog, but if you don't, here is her blog http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2009/11/shiny-gem.html

Her little man is undergoing surgery right now for a heart ablation and I am hoping by dedicating my post to him today that it will start a prayer chain....one of many that I am SURE have already been started.

Will you help me in a prayer chain for Stellan?