Friday, March 12, 2010

I miss my husband

I miss 'us' before kids.  I miss that all my time could be focused on him.  He always knew I loved him for I had all the time in the world to tell him and show him.  I miss our quick little weekend getaways to our favorite spots.  I loved staying up late playing Trivial Pursuit with him.  I loved just going to a restuarant/bar and spending hours talking to him.

That was the past and here we are in the future. Don't get me wrong, I love our kids and would never trade where we are for anything!  I just wish I knew a better way to balance it all.

We both work full-time and as soon as we get home, our second job starts.  The kids are still young so they still rely on us for just about everything.  Helping go potty, helping get dressed, helping get a cup of water.  You name it, we are at their beck and call.  And now whenever James & I try to have a discussion one of them will purposely interrupt by singing at the top of their lungs or needing something (not really, just an adversion).  So our time to talk and reconnect is sooo very limited.

I want so badly to sit up and talk and watch a show together, but honestly by the time 8:30pm rolls around, I am completely exhausted.  And I hate it.  I hate that James doesn't feel like he is getting 'me' time anymore.  I feel so bad about it.  I want to give my husband all that he desires.  I want him to feel loved and adored and I feel like I am surely falling short in that.

Date nights don't happen very often b/c it is very expensive to pay for a babysitter to watch 3 kids.  His parents live by and we ask them occasionaly, but hate to abuse that option.  They are soo generous when we ask and I know if we asked more, they would oblige.  But I just feel guilty about it.  I think b/c they are still so young and they are a lot of work!

There is a great organization that I just came across called "Focus on the Family".  The first thing I heard was "Never be a better parent than a spouse".  That hit home.  It is soo very true for soo many reasons.  One, my husband is such a fantastic man and I am so very lucky that I get to call him my husband and he needs to be treated and loved the same way I love my children.  No less.  Second, we are examples for our children and I want my kids to lead by example.  Which means I have a lot of work to do!! ;) 

Baby, I just want you to know that I love you with all that I am and want you to know that I am committed to showing you just how much.  Thank you for being patient while your dum-dum wife figured all this out.

I love you!

2 comments:

Jenny said...

We've just reinstated date night and it does make all the difference, even twice a month. Wait til after bed time then have your in laws come, it is less work that way (hopefully!)...

Good job reminding me and realizing this yourself. It is true that without THIS relationship (marriage) the rest of our worlds would come crumbling down. Why didn't we know to appreciate the old days a little more? I wouldn't change my NOW, but I would have LOVED my THEN a little more!!! :)

Your not a dum dum, just a crazy busy wife trying to meet one million needs. Keep your priorities up to date, and you'll be okay. I mean, we won't have to wipe asses forever. Right? RIGHT???!!!

Amber Koter-Puline said...

Great post. I totally stink at being a wife right now. It's not right; that I know. I know I am called to prioritize my marriage...but how do I reconcile the fact that technically speaking HE can wipe his own butt...my son can't.